Networking Unleashed: Building Profitable Connections. An Interview with Paul Salter and Michael A Forman

Welcome to Networking Unleashed, Building Profitable Connections, the show where growth starts with the conversations we have, including the ones we have with ourselves. I'm your host, MichaelAForman.comAForman.com Forman. Have you ever felt like you're capable of more, but something invisible keeps holding you back? Maybe opportunities show up and somehow fall apart.

Maybe you hesitate before stepping into bigger rooms, or maybe success itself feels uncomfortable even when that's what you want. My guest today dives deep into what's often called as the upper limit problem, the invisible ceiling that keeps people from fully stepping into their potential. We're talking about fear of success, detaching self-worth results, and how subconscious patterns quietly influence the way we communicate, connect, and pursue opportunity This isn't just about networking, it's about who you become when you stop limiting yourself.

If you're ready to think bigger, connect differently, and break through th- what's really been holding you back, this episode is for you. So I'd like to welcome Paul to the podcast. Paul, welcome. And, just for my listeners, why don't you give us the CliffsNotes of how you got where you are today?

Happy to, MichaelAForman.comAForman.com. It's a pleasure to be here. I'm excited for our conversation. And again, for everybody listening, my name is Paul Salter. I am a high-performance hypnotherapist and mindset coach who primarily works with CEOs, executives, entrepreneurs, and ambitious professionals who feel stuck, stuck in a pattern of self-sabotage, constantly getting in their own way.

And ultimately, what I do is use hypnosis to uncover the origin of the destructive beliefs, feelings, and behaviors that are holding them back, so we can unlearn all of them and build the beliefs and behaviors necessary to get to that next level of success. Now, this is year 17 of coaching for me, and my coaching journey is quite a unique one.

I spent some time early on as a sports dietician, primarily working at the collegiate and professional level, helping athletes maximize their potential and their performance, before shifting gears to spending just over a decade primarily working with women who were stuck in that yo-yo dieting cycle, significant weight loss and regain of 20 to 50 pounds.

It was like clockwork, and my approach wasn't a nutrition approach. It was really geared towards helping them to lose the emotional baggage and limiting beliefs that were actually keeping them stuck. And then, this is where things get interesting, MichaelAForman.comAForman.com, I took a pit stop playing poker professionally for a couple of years, and it was during this experience I ran into my own sabotaging behaviors, a, disastrous relationship with money, fear of success, lacking confidence.

And I hired my own mindset and performance coach, who happened to be a hypnotherapist, and in a very short amount of time, I found myself playing for higher stakes, earning more money than I thought I ever would. But more important to me was the impact she had on me as an individual, so much so that this hypnosis felt like the next evolution of my coaching.

So I walked away from poker, doubled down on the mindset coaching I was already doing while phasing out the remaining nutrition clients, and I just hit the ground running and haven't looked back since. Sounds absolutely wonderful. I, I know a few hypnotherapists. And- ... let me ask you a question.

How many of your clients actually turn it around and become hypnotherapists? I have two in mind that have done that Okay. I'm just thinking because that's when you know that they really took it to heart. Yeah. They truly believe in what you do, and they're just carrying on what you had started.

So- Yeah ... I was just thinking because the hypnotherapists that I know of, they started that way. They went to somebody, and they started to... So that, that's I was just, that's just my own personal benefit. But it was very- Yeah ... I just really need to know. Okay. You talk about the invisible ceiling or upper limit problems.

How does that show up in the way people network and pursue opportunities? Absolutely. So there's no shortage of social media, books, podcasts, and courses that talk about the immense benefits of goal setting and affirmations and stating, "I wanna earn this amount of income," or, "I wanna find the love of my life," or, "I wanna make this dream partnership or business connection."

So what happens is people get very clear on what it is they want, yet the moment that opportunities start coming their way to take meaningful action to finally pursue and achieve what they want, it's like suddenly they freeze up. And what we're able to identify is that consciously or logically they're very clear on what they want, but subconsciously or specific within their nervous system, there's a real lack of safety achieving that next level of success or attaining the goal they've set out for themselves.

And as I've done, thousands and thousands of coaching sessions, what I've been able to identify consistently present in these situations is that when it comes to achieving that milestone or that level of success, the individual more often than not deep down doesn't feel worthy, deserving, or capable.

"Who am I to achieve this? Who am I to make so much money? I'd feel like an imposter. Last year's success was just a fluke." And what we find is, it was more safe to play small than it was to go after your dreams and to take big, massive action consistently. So our nervous system, and specifically our subconscious, they're wired to keep us safe, and they will continue, or it will continue to create predictable, familiar patterns of failure simply because it's safe, rather than creating opportunities for next-level success because that's foreign, that's dangerous, that's a threat.

How often, h- how long does it generally take you to get through to that level? Now, I know that there's a lot of work that goes into it once you get to that level. But how long- ... does it usually take you to get to that level? Candidly, it can happen on the first call. My job as the coach and practitioner is, of course, to establish that safe, trusting, supportive environment.

But the type of individuals I work with, more often than not, they've tried almost every other approach. They are at or just around their own unique rock bottom. There's not only a desperation for change, but there's a newfound level of commitment that maybe hasn't been present before. So when you have those two potent forces coming together, you can go deep quite quickly.

And again, I never want to overpromise and under-deliver, but for most people, the first couple of sessions we're already incredibly deep. We've created that vulnerability, that raw candor and honesty that's necessary to make change. Because underneath all of this, MichaelAForman.comAForman.com, it's deep level identity change that needs to be made, and that's messy, uncomfortable, threatening at times, but we can get there quickly when those potent forces come together.

Very good. Very good. Yeah, and I can imagine it getting very messy because to a person th- that's personal. That's so- ... you're getting the inner workings of... even if they don't admit it or haven't admitted it, you're now uncovering it. Yeah. So it's probably very messy. Yeah. Why do some professionals sabotage relationships or opportunities right when things start going well?

Yeah, so many people forget that thousands of years ago, if we were judged, rejected, or abandoned by our tribe, we literally died. We either starved to death or that saber-toothed tiger we often hear about had a delicious snack. And although threats from back then are not the same threats that are present today, that visceral feeling of fear of rejection, judgment, and abandonment is just as real today as it was back then.

So let's take, for example, let's imagine there's a real estate agent who's amongst a team at a brokerage. And, for the most of his or her career, they've been middle of the pack in terms of number of closed deals and number or amount of income made. As they start to close more deal- deals, close bigger deals, and then suddenly they're climbing the rankings o- of within their particular team, what could possibly be happening in their s- in their social setting is backhanded compliments.

"Must be nice. I wish I got that deal. I wish I got that opportunity." And although that person is working really hard and wants to keep going and going, the unconscious perceived threat of resentment, a strain on a once prominent relationship, that can be enough to unconsciously start playing small, dimming their light.

And it comes back to just wanting to feel accepted, connected, and that sense of belonging because at the end of the day, we're still very much a community-centric species. Yeah that's true. But that, and that goes along with the lines of who you surround yourself with- Yes ... really plays a big part in who you become.

If you surround yourself with losers, I use losers- ... who always put you down and say, "Do you really do that?" Or anything like... Instead of surrounding yourself with people who are supporting you and say, "Hey, attaboy, that's great. What's the next thing you're gonna do?"

It plays- Yeah ... such a large part of it. So yeah, I know exactly what you mean. How does fear of success quietly influence the way people communicate, connect, or position themselves? That's a fantastic question. So ultimately, we come back to that fear of success leading to, or rather manifesting as starting to play small, starting to be a shell of yourself, starting to dim your light.

So when it comes to bleeding into our relationships or potential connections and conversations, we become inauthentic. We begin to speak or o- operate from a place that is unauthentic, incongruent with who we are. So what happens is I might say I want X, Y, and Z, but in these social settings, I feel scared of boldly claiming what it is I want, so I don't honestly state what it is I want.

I set a lower bar, or I deny wanting more success. And what happens is unconsciously between two humans, that, that vibe, that energy is picked up on. Some people qui- pick it up quite quickly. Others, don't realize it in the moment. But what happens is incongruency creates a lack of trust, so connection is much more difficult to actually form.

And you and I both know trust is the backbo- backbone of any successful relationship, and it's very hard to cultivate if you're speaking incongruently, dimming your light, and playing small That goes right into the networking mantra per se. If they know you, if they like you and trust you- Yeah ... they'll do business with you.

And I always tell everybody, "Look, everybody knows you 'cause you're around. You have your face, it's all around." But like you, that narrows the scope down just a little bit. But trust, that's such a major factor because nobody's gonna do business with you unless they trust you.

Yeah. So it's all that one-to-one talking. And look, Zoom calls are great, but there's nothing like that in-person connection that you get- Yeah ... with a networking event or one-on-one. So it's very important. Okay, what role does self-worth play in whether someone feels confident entering bigger rooms or building relationships with high-level people?

Self-worth is everything. If you don't believe deep down you're worthy, deserving, and capable of even belonging in that room, let alone getting attention or an opportunity to speak, eyes, attention spotlight all on you, most people don't openly admit, "I don't feel worthy." Some people actively struggle it, struggle with it on a subconscious and conscious level, but what ultimately happens is these patterns of beliefs and their accompanying feelings are shaped in childhood.

Maybe you had to constantly prove or meet these, impossible expectations for Mom and Dad, and they made you feel like you always came up short. And even though you might be doing better than 99% of kids or young adults your age, you were made to feel like it was never enough, therefore you began to internalize, "I'm not good enough."

So when it comes now in the professional setting years later in adulthood, you stop taking risks. You, again, come back to playing small because, maybe it's not necessarily the fear of success is prominent, it's just "I don't belong." And when you're in those rooms, you'll see the nervous tendencies.

You'll see and feel the anxious energy that's present. You'll see it in body language. You'll hear it in voices, how they are or are not spoken and articulated. And it's something that most people don't realize until they find their self knee-deep in, an emotional implosion or a rock bottom, if you will.

But it all comes back to really learning how to rebuild that relationship with yourself, how to cultivate a sense of self-love and really build yourself up re- you know, regardless of any external factors. You have to learn how to be your biggest advocate, coach, and supporter. That's so true, and you hit so many points that I don't even know where to begin.

You did that very well. I'm just, if somebody walks into a networking room, let's say there's- ... a networking event. The amount of people that they see, I can see how you can be overwhelmed. And my job is to help you go through and say, what to do, what not to do, what to say- what not to say. And I tell everybody the same thing. The first time you go out, you're gonna suck. It's gonna be horrible. It's gonna be bad. But don't let that stop you. Yeah. You have to go back again and again because when you go back the second time, you'll learn what not to do from the first time, and the third time learn what not to do from the second time.

And so after a while, you actually begin to enjoy it. And that's when you feel more confident. And when you're more confident... everybody knows their sales cycle. Everybody knows what they want. Yeah. Or they, or... But they don't know how to convey it, and that communication happens on so many different levels.

But knowing your self-worth, that's a key factor. And we'll circle back real quick, too. You bring up such a great point, walking into those environments with a lot of people, the vast majority of which you've never met before. Deep down, there's a little part of you that wants to belong, that wants to fit in, that wants to be accepted to this new tribe you're trying to be a part of.

And again, that can lead you, if you don't have the coaching and training, like from someone like yourself, to be inauthentic. You start saying little comments or chiming in with these inauthentic quirks just because you wanna fit in. But then you realize upon reflection, "Ooh I didn't like how I felt when I said that.

I don't like what I even said." And that wh- that's why, working with a business coach, a professional speaking coach can be so valuable to help you go through the prep work and how to prepare what to say, how to navigate showing up authentically so you can authentically f- you know, connect with the right people in the room.

Y- you said that so well. That's exactly- Yeah ... what you have to do, what you have to say- Yeah ... what you have to think. And, my biggest thing is, look, go out and get a mentor. Get a coach. Yeah. Get somebody, because the biggest thing that you have to be is accountable. If you are accountable to somebody, then you have somebody saying, not a yes man.

You're not saying, yes." "No, you shouldn't have done that. You should've done this." And you're like okay." So you're starting again, but every time you're getting bigger. You're getting larger- Yeah ... more confident and it feels so good. Okay You emphasize detaching self-worth from results.

Why is that so important for entrepreneurs and professionals? Most entrepreneurs have their own unique version of a financial rollercoaster. Some months, some quarters, some years are significantly better than others, and that can be especially true in the early startup and growing phases o- of any new company or new endeavor.

So if every week, every month you have a poor number of sales or you don't make a significant amount of money, and you allow that to impact your mood, your esteem, your wellbeing number one, you're not fun to be around, which is gonna be immediately felt amongst your spouse, your children, your team, your coworkers.

Number two, you're more prone to letting an emotion hijack the steering wheel of your day, decisions, and actions. So if fear, pity, anger, shame, regret, embarrassment, or anxiety has the steering wheel of your day, you can't rely on that emotion to continue to drive you down the path that gets you to your intended destination.

It's gonna be one heck of a ride in likely all of the wrong and opposite directions here. And unfortunately, this is lear- fortunately, this is all learned. Unfortunately, it's usually a byproduct of our parents thinking they're doing the right thing, but inevitably we're picking up some of the wrong beliefs from it.

And what I've observed more often than not is a high-pressure, high-expectation childhood growing up where, perfection on the report cards was demanded, first place in extracurriculars and sporting events was demanded. That might have been the only time a child got validation, acceptance, and love from their parents.

And this is especially true, like me, if you have multiple siblings. Because me, for example, I'm the oldest. As soon as my brother was born, I went from 100% of the attention to 50, and then it went less and less as my other two siblings came along. So every, child who has at least one sibling in particular had to find coping mechanisms to still get Mom or Dad's attention.

And when we bring that into adulthood, in the professional life, it doesn't allow us to consistently do what needs to be done to scale a business in an effective and sustainable way. Th- that's so true, and being a middle child, I know- ... exactly what you're talking about- ... because of my older brother and my younger brother.

I'm just saying that middle child, m- middle children are the best. But that's I'm, I'm not gonna say anything about the only children, but, yo, that's right. Okay. Does high-performance hypnotherapy reveal about the subconscious patterns behind confidence, visibility, and connection? We all have, I'm not gonna put a number, but let's call it hundreds of different programs and patterns designed to get our childhood needs met, some of what we've been talking about already.

And all of these programs are built to serve us. We come back to that a- attachment to results example I just shared. You learned if you did really well in school, you got mom and dad's attention. So you learned you would do whatever it took to bring home straight As or get first place in that competition.

What would in- inevitably happens primarily with entrepreneurs is they get rewarded early on in life for their ambition, their tenacity, their work ethic. And socially today that is incredibly praised everywhere. It's seen as a badge of honor. "Oh my goodness, I admire and respect your ambition." But the same programs that got you here will not get you there.

Inevitably, your current strengths and superpowers likely will become a form of kryptonite, and your goal in life is not to unlearn your strengths. It's just learning to recalibrate when you need to dial up the intensity, for example, of your ambition, and when you need to scale it back and find safety and ease in resting and slowing down.

So hypnosis allows us, just like a computer operating system, to open the outdated programming and either install new programs or, and unlearn them, or maybe buy a new computer altogether in this case. But it's really about identifying your ingrained patterns and doing the work to unlearn those that no longer serve you And each one of my friends that are hypnotherapists describe it almost exactly the same way.

So it, there must be something because you're all from different areas- ... and you all say the same thing. So there must be some truth to it. Okay. How can someone begin rewiring limiting beliefs that keep them from building stronger relationships or pursuing larger opportunities? Let's be candid right out of the gate.

I'm biased. I'm very biased towards hypnosis. It changed my life personally. It's a fast and research-backed effective way to do however, what can you listening right now do today on your own is get incredibly curious. So when we talk about walking into those rooms, having opportunities to get you to s- where you want to be coming into your ecosystem, just start to notice what it is you're feeling, what it is then you believe to be true about some of the stories you tell yourself.

Really through curiosity and challenging the beliefs you currently have, you can ultimately begin to uncover, is this belief even mine? Is this belief true? Research estimates roughly 95% of our belief system is formed before the age of seven, meaning you didn't really have a say in your beliefs, but you are the only person who can do something about it.

So through curiosity, through relentlessly challenging this belief, is it true? Is it mine? Where did it come from? Is it serving me? Is it hurting me? Through some deep and consistent reflection, you can begin to break that belief down and then harvest that energy, so to speak, to build, then build the belief you need to go pursue your goals and be the best you.

It sounds fantastic. Okay, so all right. Let's bring this podcast full circle. If a listener wants to break through an invisible ceiling in the next 90 days, what one internal shift would create the biggest change?

Develop a daily practice of stillness, silence, and solitude. We have so many people and forms of technology competing for our attention every second. We also have a propensity to avoid discomfort, specifically emotional discomfort, more than ever before because there are so many different ways to numb, avoid, cope, and distract.

And what often happens as a result is we quickly get off track or out of alignment from who we say we want to be and the direction we're going, and more often than not, we don't realize it until it's been months, maybe years. So by creating and protecting a daily practice of silence, I don't care if you call it meditation, journaling, or reflection, it's forced a daily quiet time with yourself to check in, to recalibrate, to create clarity about who you are, who you wanna be, where you're going, what's working well, what's not working well.

And that ultimately, the undercur- underlying benefit amongst all of that is just deepening the relationship you have with yourself, which enhances self-trust, awareness, decisiveness, and further bolsters confidence. And if that's the version of you that's present getting better every single day, that is a significant shift that will allow you to rapidly accelerate goal attainment.

Wow, that's great. That's great, Paul. I can't begin... I can probably continue this podcast for another hour because I have that many more questions for you. But- ... if some, one of my listeners, if somebody wants to get hold of you, what's the best way that they get a hold of you? I appreciate you asking.

If you're listening and you enjoyed what it is I shared, what I shared resonated with you, I have a podcast called The Unstuck High Performer podcast that you'll find a lot of value in as well. And then on Instagram, YouTube, and TikTok, you can find me at The Paul Salter. Fantastic. Okay, so this conversation is a reminder that many of the limits we experience externally begin internally.

The way you see yourself influence the room, the rooms you enter, the conversations you have, the opportunities you allow yourself to pursue. When you stop tying your worth to outcomes, you begin showing up and more confidence, clarity, and presence. Take one step this week. Notice where you are. Notice where you may be holding yourself back, not because you lack ability, but because you've unconsciously accepted a limit.

If you found value in today's episode, make sure you like, follow and subscribe to Networking Unleashed: Building Profitable Connections so you keep getting the best insights on networking and communication, and share this episode with someone who's ready to break through to the next level personally and professionally.

If you'd help strengthening your communication and building relationships that will create real opportunity, visit MichaelAForman.comAForman.comAForman.com to learn how I work with professionals, teams, and organizations. So until next time, raise your standards, challenge your limits, and build connections that help you grow into who you are capable of becoming.

Paul, thank you so much for coming on the podcast. You were wonderful. Thank you, MichaelAForman.comAForman.com. I enjoyed it

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 That's a wrap, folks. A huge thank you to our guests for sharing such incredible insights today. And of course, a big shout-out to you, our amazing listeners, for tuning in and spending your time with us. If you're interested in my digital courses, being coached, or having me come and talk to your company, just go to MichaelAForman.comAForman.com and fill out the request form.

Remember, networking isn't about being perfect. It's about being present. So take what you've learned today, get out there, and make some meaningful connections. If you've enjoyed this episode, please don't forget to subscribe. Leave us a review, and share it with someone who could use a little networking inspiration.

Let's keep the conversation going. You can find me on Apple, Spotify, Pandora, YouTube, or my website, michaelaforman.com/podcast.

Michael is a business networking expert specializing in enhancing professionals' networking and communication skills to drive profitability. As a leading authority in this field, he is highly sought after for his dynamic presentations and workshops. His extensive experience has consistently led to significant improvements in corporate profitability by empowering individuals and organizations to connect more effectively and efficiently.

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