Networking Unleashed: Building Profitable Connections. An Interview with Dr Kyle Elliott and Michael A Forman
- mforman521
- Mar 25
- 19 min read
📍 I've got A wonderful guest today. His name is Dr. Kyle Elliott. And he is let me read you his bio.
Dr. Elliott is the founder and career coach behind caffeinatedkyle. com. His expertise is Silicon Valley and high tech. As a result of working with Dr. Elliott, senior managers and executives have landed jobs at Meta, Amazon, Google, and nearly every other tech giant you can imagine. Without further ado, I'd like to introduce you to Kyle, and I'll let him tell you a little bit more about his background.
How you doing, Kyle? I am doing so great. Thank you for having me. I'm so excited to be speaking about this important topic today. As you said, it can be awkward for people to network, and I'm excited for us to talk about that, especially for introverts, where it can be such a drain on their energy. Yes. Yes.
And listen, I go across the country talking about networking and how important it is face to face, through zoom, through the cell phone. It's why even bother, you have to feel the vibe of the person, feel the vibe of the room. And extroverts, it's real easy, but introverts this is your specialty.
What are some common misconceptions introverts have about networking, and how can they reframe their mindset? I find for introverts, they often think they have to be super talkative, they have to be outgoing, and they have to change themselves. When people see me, they assume I'm an extrovert, oftentimes, unless you're a fellow introvert who really knows what introversion is.
People assume you have to be talkative, you have to be outgoing. I find instead, I would lean into your strengths if you're someone who's more introverted, you're more contemplative, you're more thoughtful. I would lean into that. For me, it's asking questions. Unless I'm on a podcast or doing a speaking engagement, it's asking a lot of thoughtful questions.
It's having those one on one conversations. So instead of feeling like you have to step way outside your comfort zone, yes, there is benefit to stepping outside your comfort zone, but can you lean into that instead? Those strengths that you have. Ask thoughtful questions. Have one on one conversations.
Instead of feeling like you have to be the life of the party. And going up and sparking tons of conversations, focus on that one on one, and it can be a game changer. That's great. And one thing that I always keep in mind when, especially, I'm an extrovert, obviously but even for introverts, when you're speaking with somebody, you remember the word form.
F O R M. Family. occupation, recreation, and a message. So you can start talking about family, their husband, their wife, their sister, brother, son, daughter, whatever, and have them talk because people love to speak a talk about themselves. So they can talk and talk, but you can move the conversation to occupation to recreation.
What do you do? Do you ski? Do You know, go boating, whatever you have, but the whole idea is to, because there's a mantra in networking, know you like you trust you, then they'll do business with you. And that trust factor is so crucial that, look, know you and like you look, everybody knows you.
Everybody likes you. Not everybody will like you, but it's narrowing the field down a little bit, but trust is such a crucial factor. And you have 30 seconds, a minute, 5 minutes, 10 minutes to build that trust factor and have their wall come down. But instead of me doing all the talking, let me ask you another question.
What's one simple strategy an introvert can use to feel more comfortable walking into a networking event? I would have some questions ready, have some talking points. I find often going into a networking event, people feel oh gosh, I'm going to be on the spot. So I encourage people to develop some talking points, some questions.
It doesn't have to be super lengthy. But having some go to talking points. I love your form. I've never heard that before, but have some talking points. Are you gonna ask people, how did you hear about this conference or networking event? Or are you gonna ask people, how's your day going? Whatever those questions or talking points are, having some ready can be super powerful.
So then if you get stuck, you can then have something you can turn to. It's like media training. You just have your talking points that you keep coming back to, and that can help alleviate those feelings of doubt or nervousness. That's great. Great advice. Also what I try to tell people, especially introverts, but this goes for both extroverts and introverts do a little preparation work before you go to that networking event.
There's always that networking. Meeting first, it's 300 people and it's like, Oh my God, what do I do? But there's always like table set up and things like that. They usually give out a flyer or something about the networking event. Look at that flyer, see the people that you want to go to, circle them, do what you have to do, but you have a plan.
If you have a plan that gives you a little confidence, and you know as well as I do, confidence is key. You feel confident with yourself, you can take down mountains. Okay how can introverts leverage their natural strengths to build meaningful connections? I would focus on that one on one. I remember I was at a conference recently and I saw some people standing alone, and I'm like, hey, is this the introvert area?
So going and having those one on one conversations, asking those thoughtful questions, and saying, okay, here are my, personally, one of my strengths is asking questions, so I'm going to lean into that. Or maybe you like silence. Don't feel like you have to fill up every sentence or every kind of silent moment, but lean into that instead can be really powerful.
I also love that research ahead of time. If you know there's going to be some certain people at the conference or they give out often an attendee list or directory, you can reach out to people ahead of time and say, hey, I'd love to set up a coffee. Don't feel like you have to go to every single mingling event, but instead, I was at a conference recently, Some people reached out to me and I reached out to them and said, Hey, let's set up some coffee and have conversations.
You don't always have to go in and just feel like you have to go around the room talking to every single person. Sometimes two or three really deep conversations can be better than just some bunch of 20, 30 second meet and greets. It's true. That's true. And I love what you said when you say, Hey, is this the introverts corner?
That's a great icebreaker. And usually you'll get a laugh. Out of it, and that will start you on your way. One thing that I say about people walking to a networking event and walking up to a table. The first thing that they do is listen. You don't talk. You just wait. Listen for the conversation because that conversation may not be suitable for you.
So you haven't said anything yet. You quietly bow out and you go to the next table because you don't have to speak. Let's say it is a conversation you want to be a part of. Let the conversation come around to you, because remember, you are the expert in your field. So when the conversation comes around to you, say one or two sentences, hopefully it's intelligent, and, and you'll spark a reaction from two or three of the people, and then you'll start your way.
Okay, so what are some practical ways to start and carry a conversation without feeling awkward? I love the questions. I love what you just said, listening there. I just attended a sales training recently and someone had the acronym WAIT. Why am I talking? And as I am, as you're talking, I'm thinking, I think this could be good for networking situations.
I think sometimes people are nervous and they keep talking and actually just listening can be really powerful or asking a great question. Or if you know someone in that environment, can you say, Oh, this person and actually call someone else out and point to them, Ooh, I just heard this person speak here.
So actually carrying the conversation instead of feeling like you have to add a bunch of value, that one or two sentences can be powerful instead of dominating the conversation. I'm in a lot of workshops or meetings, and I noticed the people who are really memorable sometimes only say a line or two.
But it's really powerful, instead of feeling like you have to fill all this empty space. Yeah, no, that's true. Listening is such an important skill because you have to learn it as well. But when I hear, let's take a scenario when you're sitting down at a table with somebody else and you're having the other person speak, talk, and you're listening to them.
Don't think about the next thing that you want to say. Think about what they are saying and respond to them. And when they're talking, there's a pause at the end. That pause is so very important. Because what does that tell them? You were listening. Half of what's going on today, it's just listening. So you're listening and you're responding to what he had said.
And say, And whenever you go to these events, I'm going to throw this in, it's out of left field, but you always look to give not to receive. Always look to be that referral source. And one thing that I coach my students is I tell them at the end of their conversation, before you say what you Tell them, say to them, say, you know something?
I like you. I like what you do. I like how you're doing it. How can I make you more successful? How can I be a good referral source for you? It usually blows them away. And then you exchange business cards. You say then what you do, and here's a little extra tip when you get that, his business card, write down the date, the name of the function.
And something you spoke about because during your follow up, which is probably more important than meeting the person. The follow up, it will come in very handy for that. I love that. It's that being helpful. I call it serving. How can I serve this person? How can I help them in that moment? I think of it planting seeds.
How am I planting seeds here and not expecting it to grow right away? But instead I'm going to cultivate it, water it. I love that. There's farmers and there's hunters. Hunters is really the way it used to be. You go out there and get how much can I do? How much business can I do? But farmers is you go out and you plant the seeds.
You say, how can I make you more successful? How can I be a good referral source for you? It changes the whole thing around a little bit. But that's good. Love it. Okay. So how can introverts follow up with new connections in a way that in a way that feels authentic and not forced? I think you just mentioned it, that follow up is key.
I think oftentimes you meet so many people at a conference and then people forget to follow up. And I think doing it in a way that feels natural. I love writing, so it could be a message, and a thoughtful, customized message. I've been to conferences, and either before the conference or after, both people send a mass message to a bunch of people.
Either you're BCC'd. Or they send an individual message, but it's clearly just a template. I think it's powerful to be thoughtful. I love setting a timer and saying for each person, I'm going to spend 10 minutes thinking, what did we talk about? If you took notes, that's great. Putting it on their business card.
Or I keep my phone and say, what did we talk about? And I genuinely care. It's not just so I can send you a message, but I really want to be able to connect. And writing something custom to that person and being thoughtful and reflective can be powerful. I often find people assume it has to be a follow up call, but sending a thoughtful email or a message can be powerful.
Or if you use LinkedIn or different platforms, it can also be a voice memo. You can record a voice memo and send something. To say, Hey, it was great talking personally. I love snail mail too. I love sending people a thank you card. If you have their address, sending a message, I love coffee. So I have a coaster.
I send people saying, Hey, it was great connecting. Here was something that we talked about as well. That's great. Now, as a coach, that's one thing that I profess. I always say, look, when you come back from the. event, send them a quick email, just thanking them for their time. But the next morning you're ready for this.
You write a handwritten thank you note and you just, Hey Dr. Kyle, listen, I want to thank you for your time. It was great spending time with you. Hope everything is well, Michael. That's it. No business, no anything and send it. Because what I tell again, all my students is imagine being the person receiving the thank you note.
And who does that anymore? Except for my students, of course. And, it really puts you on top of mind and gives them another reason to email or send you a card as well. So it's very good. Yeah, it's watering. You just keep watering all those seeds and people don't water enough. See what sprouts, what comes up, it's, it, it can really be fun when you're doing it, when you do it right, it's fun it becomes like, oh, this is great, I want to do this again, because you meet so many people and do so many things, but in a three or four hour event.
I used to come home with a shoe box full of business cards and say, look how great I did. No, I didn't. A three or four hour event. I feel that you should come back with about 15 or 20 business cards Because those are the relationships that you started not a customer but a relationship And the way that I explained the difference between a customer relationship a customer if you go to a supermarket And one of your customers you say hi kyle.
How you doing? Hey, how you doing rich and you're done if it's a relationship Hey kyle, how you doing? How's your? Wife, husband, son, daughter, whatever. Oh, I heard he played little league. What position? Da. Yeah. And you have a conversation and then you move on. And that also, hey, you your second half will always say, who was that?
Yeah, there's, oh, that, that was Michael. I met him at a, conference. Yeah. Oh, that was very nice of it. Whatever. And it just keeps you top of mind. So I that's a cute little way that I love that. Yep. Okay. What are some low pressure networking approaches introverts can use such as online networking or small group interactions?
I love LinkedIn. That's my favorite way to network, because you can be brave for five or ten seconds. You can be watching Netflix or Hulu or something and then send a message to someone and say, I'm going to reach out to this executive or this ideal client and spark a relationship. Oftentimes, as I shared earlier, you don't always have to be, they're like, Oh, do I have to request a phone call or Zoom?
You could. But it also can just be messaging back and forth. I've had clients who develop relationships with people, and they've actually never hopped on a phone call or a Zoom. You can be messaging back and forth. So that's one of my favorite ways. A lot of my clients, they're tech executives. They're very introverted.
They're also in Slack communities or Facebook groups, or there's blind online community for tech people. Folks and startups. There's online spaces you can be in where you can forge those relationships as well. So yes, going to meetups and networking events can be powerful, but there's also just online spaces and communities, either one on one or groups.
So when you think of networking, it doesn't always have to be in person either. Okay, so let me ask you a question. What about local networking? What would you suggest for local networking? I would find one that feels comfortable. Don't feel like it has to be a huge event either. meetup group? One of my clients is in like a tech dad's group, and it's a small group, and they meet up for beer every week and grab beer at the bar, and it's more casual.
So I think finding one that feels comfortable, and then also going with a
It's, and I always suggest joining a chamber of commerce because they have weekly meetings and you can hone your message without really honing your message, without really saying in front of everybody. So you have it with it, like my chamber of commerce, you have 45 seconds. To say what you do and then you break out into breakout sessions and you have two minutes That's not a very long time and it's very good for you just to You know keep up and hone your skills and you get into the 30 second elevator speech and whether it's five seconds 10 seconds or 30 seconds, but it helps you hone all that so the in person local meetings is great.
But as you said, those other groups are fantastic, especially if you're introverted, especially. Yeah. What I like about that is there's a purpose as well. So for someone who's Oh, this is scary. I'm just going in you know what to expect. Expect you can Google it, they have an agenda. Same with Toastmasters.
You know exactly what to expect. So yes, it can be a little nerve wracking talking, but you know exactly what to expect. And that purpose can make it less intimidating as well. Exactly. And the more times you go, the easier it becomes. And you know what I say to people is, listen, you wanna learn how to network, first of all, just go.
Just go. The first time you're gonna mess up. No doubt about it. Okay. The second time you're going to mess up just that much less. And the third time that much less fourth time and by the fifth time it becomes old hat and you know what to say and know what not to say, especially about yourself, about your business, about somebody else's business.
It's very easy to fall into a trap of things not to say. And then for the rest of the night, even though that person may have forgotten about it, you'll remember it. No, there's no tomorrow. Okay. What about what are some low pressure network? Did I say that already? Okay. How can introverts prepare for a networking event in advance to reduce anxiety and boost confidence?
We, we touched on this before. Yeah, I think practice. I think practicing is really key. Having someone you trust who can practice with you is important. Going over those talking points. I encourage people not to have a script. Oftentimes people have a script and then they feel like they're going to memorize it and they skip a word.
I recommend talking points instead. Having a word. Or a few words that are going to guide you to go through. Something that you can't memorize, it's impossible because it's just words, can be helpful and really powerful. Especially if you're virtual, you can have those words in front of you and then get used to it.
And I find that's a great way to get used to practicing. And then over time, removing the amount of words that are guiding you as well. And then videotape yourself and watch it back. Oh, that's probably going to scare a whole lot of people. Yeah, it's gonna scare them. I look like that. Oh, I sound like that.
Oh no. But you're absolutely right. That's the best way for them to get better at what they do for them to hone their skills. And if talk in front of your parents, your brothers, your sisters, your friends, just give a talk, give a five minute talk, 10 minute talk. And you can see by the way that they Respond on how you can change your talk.
It's very interesting. Okay, so give me a personal networking success story that you overcame discomfort. and built a great relationship. So when I was, two of my mentors who are now friends now, I found them on LinkedIn. One of them, I just reached out. They were involved in the NRWA, the National Resume Writers Association.
And I was just reaching out to learn more about the conference. And it just started with a quick question. And now we're really close friends. We text every day. I visited her in Florida and it just started from a quick message. The same with another mentor. I was just posting on LinkedIn. We had a quick conversation.
I was on a podcast. We've now met in person. And it just started from a quick message on LinkedIn and chatting and saying, let me reach out. And I think it just takes, as, at least as an introvert, where it can feel uncomfortable at first, reaching out to a complete stranger. It just takes that five seconds of bravery to okay, let me reach out.
Let me get past this discomfort. Okay, and then I'm done, and it just takes that, I have a client who has an emotional support pickle, this stuffed pickle, and they just hold it, and they're like, okay, I'm gonna do this scary thing, send, I'm done, and then they move past it, and that's what I think, I can just do this brave thing for five seconds, and then it can result in this friendship, or this mentor, or this new client.
Great. I want to tell you that's great for building yourself confidence, but as well as you're reaching out and you're actually making friends. And with today's day and age with LinkedIn and everything else, your friends could be anywhere. It's I do my podcast and I had somebody from Australia, somebody from Israel, somebody from Canada on the same day.
So where can I network and have people like that? So it's really an incredible thing. Okay. Very. Important. What are some key body language and nonverbal communication tips that intro introverts feel more at ease? I find there's this misleading advice sometimes where people always have to be making eye contact.
They feel like I always have to be making eye contact. I don't agree with that. I don't think you always have to be doing that. I think part of it's cultural it can be intimidating if you're always doing that. So I would encourage you to find what feels comfortable for you. I think watching back that video of yourself can be powerful, and I actually encourage people to do it three times.
Just watch the video. See how you come across. Just listen to the audio. See what it's like and then put them together. And see how you come across. If you notice someone who's a good speaker and you go watch some good speakers whether it's a TED Talk or someone delivering a keynote, you'll notice they're actually not always giving eye contact.
They're looking around. If someone's giving too much eye contact, it can be a lot. So I'd encourage you to do that and find what feels natural for you. Yes, There's power of stepping outside your comfort zone, but you also have to find what feels natural for you, so you come off authentic as well.
You're absolutely right. And, I started out, when I first started speaking, going on stages, keynotes, I would just pick two or three people in the audience. And those are the people I would concentrate on. I wouldn't see anybody else. Whether there was ten people in a room or a hundred people in a room, it wouldn't make a difference.
But that's how I started, and then I Got better, of course, but that's again help me build the confidence and no fear give me one piece of advice You'd give an introvert Who wants to grow their network, but feels overwhelmed by the process. I would set realistic expectations. I feel oftentimes people set these huge lofty goals.
I'm going to reach out to a hundred people or something. I would set something small and achievable. Maybe I'm going to send one message a week. I think of it like planting those seeds. Okay, let's say you do one a week. That's one of my favorite goals to set, regardless of what the goal is. When I was starting my blog on my website, I'm like, I'm going to do one a week.
That's 52 a year. Even if you take the two weeks off. That's 50 a year if you reach out to a person a week. So I would set a small achievable goal and then find someone to help hold you accountable. Maybe it's your partner, maybe it's a friend. Have them hold you accountable and say, okay, here I've done it.
And then maybe you get ahead one week, you send two or three messages and then you can take the next few weeks off, but it starts adding up really quickly. And then what I always find powerful is when people respond, when you reach out to a stranger and they say, great, I'll chat with you and they'll help.
I'm always amazed, I work with a lot of tech executives, and I say, Sure, let me go reach out to this person. And someone's Sure, I'll talk with your client. Or I had an executive at a company. I didn't know them. I'm like, Sure, I'll take your client on a tour. I didn't know this person. I just took my client on a tour of their headquarters and then passed their resume along to hiring managers.
And it was a complete stranger. So people are willing to help. You just have to ask. Yes. It sounds you've had so much success with introverts, extroverts and placing people, helping people get placed. But I want you to give me a mistake that you've made. And how you overcame it.
I think one of the biggest mistakes I've made is reaching out and just like being too direct sometimes. I'm a very direct person, but being like, here's exactly what I need. Very forward and not customizing it and making it sound like I was messaging a bunch of people. When I was first starting out, sometimes I would just send a bunch of messages to a bunch of people and not customize it.
And when I go and look back, I'm like, oh, this sounds like it was AI, before AI was a thing. So now when I do it, my technique for both myself and when I coach people is make sure it doesn't sound like AI. Spend time customizing it for each person. Because when I look back, I'm like that was not a good message.
It sounds like a template. And I didn't care about this person. I was just transacting. That was very good. Very good. I'm glad you overcame it as well. That was very sound advice. Kyle, how could somebody get hold of you if they wanted your services, they wanted to reach out to you, or even be coached by you?
What's the best way for them to reach out to you? Yes, my website, caffeacyle. com, and then I spend a lot of time on LinkedIn, Kyle Elliott with two L's and two T's. Very good. Kyle, I will tell you, it's been an absolute pleasure discussing everything with you today. And I'm just sorry we ran out of time because we probably would sit here for two more hours talking about the same things.
So I want to thank you again for coming on the podcast. Yes. Thank you for having me.
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Michael is a business networking expert specializing in enhancing professionals' networking and communication skills to drive profitability. As a leading authority in this field, he is highly sought after for his dynamic presentations and workshops. His extensive experience has consistently led to significant improvements in corporate profitability by empowering individuals and organizations to connect more effectively and efficiently.
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