Networking Unleashed: Building Profitable Connections. An Interview with Elizabeth Fried and Michael A Forman

Welcome to Networking Unleashed, Building Profitable Connections, the show where relationships create opportunities and communication drives success. I'm your host, Michael Forman. Have you ever noticed that when some people walk into a room and instantly command attention, not only because they're the smartest person there, but because of how they show up?

That's executive- Presence. I had to slow down for that. And when you combine executive presence with strategic networking, something powerful happens. People listen differently. Opportunities appear more often. Doors open faster, and your influence grows long before you ever ask for anything. My guest today specializes in helping professionals build both.

We're talking about what executive presence really is, why networking should be intentional instead of accidental, and how the way you carry yourself and have just as much i- will have just as much impact as the words you speak. If you're ready to stop being overlooked, strengthen your professional influence, and build relationships that lead to bigger opportunities, this episode is for you.

I'd like to introduce Elizabeth to the podcast, and I really, I was very anxious to to begin this podcast because we talk about similar things. I go on the road, and I do workshops, and I speak at conferences and associations, and we talk basically the same thing. So I'm very interested in what you have to say.

So Elizabeth, welcome to the podcast, and would you mind giving us a little CliffsNotes of how you got started and where you are? Thank you for inviting me, Michael. I very much appreciate it, and I'm off that circuit since I am essentially retired these days. So no competition for me, only support.

So understand that. How did I get started? I began at, in compensation, and that means I designed wage and salary programs for a corporation. I worked with them for six years, and in that process, I not only designed wage and salary programs, but also bonus programs, sales compensation programs, and those kinds of things.

In order to do that, you have to understand the business end of the business, and you have to understand the markets, the barriers to entry, and all the business-related things. So that eventually, when my practice, 20 years later, I started my own business. I left them in six years. I was a compensation consultant for 20 years, and then someone started asking me about performance management and 360 feedback.

And for those of you who don't know what 360 feedback is, it's getting information from your full circle of influence, your boss, to your peers, and your direct reports. So that then led to if I do this development for my employees, can you coach them and help them develop? And I said, "Sure, I can do that."

And hence I got involved in coaching and in executive coaching. And what set me apart from other executive coaches is that I didn't focus only on the typical soft behaviors. I asked very tough business questions because of my comp background. So that led me into C-suite level executive coaching. So then my executive coaching, it started to specialize into executive presence, and what was happening is people would be promoted into higher levels, but they didn't understand what got them there to the level they are to the new level they're going with required different skill set.

And sometimes they didn't have those refinements that come along with executive presence, and so I was oftentimes hired to help that person, and oftentimes that involved communication skills and networking and putting yourself out there. So how do you do that? So for years I did that, and I wound up working with people on how to more effectively network.

So- Complementary to that, how did I get started in writing this new e-book I have called Strategic Networking: A Practical Playbook? It all began with some pro bono work that I did with the military special operations. Excuse me. I work with the elite military Navy SEALs, Marine Raiders, Delta Force, Green Berets, Army Rangers, helping them transition from the military to the civilian workforce.

They go through a very intense 14-week program, first of all discovering who they are, what's their passion, what do they wanna do, and then I work with them to help them look at the current skills they have and how that translates to the civilian workforce, and then how to promote themselves in a way that allows people to recognize their skills.

Now, you're talking about a bunch of m- mostly men, okay, who would rather go into a firefight in Afghanistan than to have to go meet a stranger in the civilian workforce and promote themselves because they're taught to be humble, to function as a team, to not discuss anything, and this is 180 degrees.

So part of their program is they have to have 50 cups of coffee. So you're going, "50 cups of coffee?" They could be virtual cups of coffee, like we're having right now in our podcast. But even going out and talking to people, and what they're doing is career exploration, and they're terrified, just terrified of doing this.

So I thought, "Oh my gosh, I gotta help these fellows be able to do it." They understand... I had to talk to them, and then, "Here is your mission, okay? This is what has to happen. Here is how you execute that mission." And then I laid out a framework for them with very specific protocol on how to go about meeting people, and there is no fluff.

I'm a no fluff person. I'm affectionately known by my clients as the heat-seeking missile. Let's get to it and do it. So that is how my book was born. Now, this is a 30-page e-book, very short and to the point, but it covers... I- it occurred to me that I provided this for them, this really has application to a much larger audience And it could involve someone exploring a new career, going through career transition, going through career development, wanting to gain greater visibility in their own organization, wanting to develop business leads.

How do you go about it? You need to be intentional, and you need to understand what your objective is. Why are you doing this anyway? Because that creates the roadmap for everything you're gonna do after that. And what's important is you want to, you ask yourself, "Am I a recent grad? Do I wanna explore careers?

Is this career transition?" All those kinds of things. And then, and in my case, oftentimes, I will run into engagements where they might say to me This person is a great person. Maybe they're, not top management they're senior managers, but they've really low-key per- person and they're very important to the organization, but nobody knows who they are.

So they'll sit in the back of the room, they're very humble, they don't say anything. They d- that's just not their style, they don't know how to do it, so they need to gain greater visibility to become the go-to person, or how do you gain visibility so that people see you as potentially promotable? That may be your reason for why you wanna do this.

So The thing is, what's the biggest mistake that people make in networking is thinking it's all about them. It isn't. It's about relationship building. And so many people treat this like a transaction. "Oh, okay, I'm gonna go to a networking event. I'll pass out my business cards, and then I'll hound them afterwards to call me and see what they can do for me."

That's not what it's about, and I'm sure you talk about the same things in your presentation. It really is a reciprocal exchange that needs to be developed. And here's a key phrase, and I can't say it's mine. It belongs to the dearly departed Dr. Mark Goulston, who was a colleague and a friend, and he wrote the book...

Oh, I can't think of the name. Ha- I can't remember the name of the book, but in that book, the line is, "Be more interested than interesting." The key is you wanna focus with somebody and learn about them. What sets my book apart is, how do you make that first connection? Because when you are more interested in a person, they feel it.

There are m- common neurons that get exchanged, bonding neurons. Oxytocin gets released. And so you need to find some common ground. Let's say you wanna meet somebody. Where my book sets things apart is that I use AI to help you be a detective of sorts. I provide you, in this very brief e-book, the very specific protocol to go through and the prompts that you need to use to find out as much about this person that you're going to talk to as you can.

What's their background? What's their education? What are their interests? What are their hobbies? Did they serve on boards? Do they have any legal problems? 'Cause, you wanna find out, is this person shady or straight? That's important. Now, of course, this is all publicly public information.

But once you might find out that they are perhaps involved with Habitat for Humanity, or the Boy Scouts, or involved with horses or whatever, that gives you an opportunity to be more interested than interesting and ask them a question about it. When you're meeting people, you find out and you say You know, I was doing some research and what came up is that you have that you've served on the board of the Boy Scouts.

Tell me how you got involved in that. So you take a couple of minutes to create that connection where they know you're interested in them, and then you can redirect the conversation to the specific questions you need based on your objective. And the book also lays out, all right, your career exploration, here's five to seven questions you can ask them.

Your career transition, five to seven questions. You want to ga- gain greater visibility and have your team be recognized as the go-to team for certain types of problems, here's five questions, five to seven questions you can ask. So it's very directed. That's why it's really important to understand what your objective is at first.

And then, of course, we go into what's your follow-up. And it doesn't just end at the end of that conversation. You need to keep records of who you talk to. You need to make sure that you touch base with them, not in a point where you're hounding them to death, but maybe they mentioned something about an article and you saw an article somewhere that you knew that they might enjoy.

So here it is three months later, "Hey, I saw this article, and I thought it would interest you. I remember we talked about such and such." It's just a touch point, because you never know when you need to go back to that again, or that person again, and ask them for something. But you are in the pr- in the process of developing a relationship.

So that's the long and short of everything that I do. That's and I could have mentioned, eight different things as you were speaking, and I didn't wanna interrupt you. But there are many facets that you're speaking about, but you're, you could do more, and I'll go into that later on, especially your follow-up.

The follow-up is key to meeting the person and so on and so forth, but we'll get to that afterwards. Just give me an idea what the biggest mistake professionals would make that would unintentionally diminish their credibility or influence I think when I said earlier, thinking it's about them and not about- the other person. And if you think of it as a relationship, and it's not what can you do for me, but how can you be helpful to this person? And one of the things that I do to, when I meet people, I say, "Is there anything you know about my background? Is there anything I can do to offer support to you in any way?

You mentioned this. I'm happy to introduce you to some people if you'd like," and just continue to maintain that relationship, and keep it off of give me, I need. That... Okay. Without appearing self-serving, how can somebody build a relationship with one of the senior leaders or decision-makers?

Okay, so it depends on what their objective is. Okay. So if their objective is exposure, all right, they may, All right let me think about this for a minute because, again, as I said, depends on the objective. If the objective is how can our department most assist you, I'll give you an example I think that would be best- Okay

to example, to describe this

I had a client, they were a small company, 30 million in revenue, and they were bought out by an internat- ... This was a US company. They were bought out by an international company

that was multi-billion. And this internat- And they were in, in the renewable energy kind of business, and they they had little divisions all over the world that kinda did different pieces of that. When this company was bought out, the CEO of the purchased company was retiring, and he wanted one of his vice presidents to be recognized for the contribution he could make to the overall corporation.

All right? And this fell- And he, and that company was known as the director of innovation, and had managed to get this smaller company into commercial markets, that they thought of themselves as a residential company, and now he got them into the big stores. Okay. So he saw him as having value to the larger organization.

So he said, "Elizabeth, so and so needs some coaching. He doesn't know how to communicate right. We need to get the others in the other divisions to recognize that he has skills and abilities that could really help them flourish, but he does not know how to get that across." So I was already on the pretty much retired and I said, "Oh, I I don't wanna take any more engagements."

But this client had been such a gem. Of course, I said, "Sure, I'll do it." He said, "the problem is this guy is just a real brainiac. He's got a PhD, and I know I can't put him with anybody unless they have equal education. That's why it's gotta be you." I said, "Okay, fine." So I connect with this guy, and we set up an engagement.

And I do a 360 on him, and I'm... Here are the kinds of things, hardest 360 feedback report I had to read.

He was at a meeting with all the senior leaders from the different organizations and was talking about what this division did, and starts, and somebody asked a question, and he says let me see if I can explain it simply in a way you can understand."

Yeah. I

thought, "Oh, boy." Yeah. Put a damper on- I've done that ... put a damper on things. The other thing about this person is he kept to himself, and he never went out to lunch with anybody else. He just stayed in his office and did his brainiac stuff. In your mind, the o- the old coder, stays in a dark room and throw me that occasionally, this is how he was behaving. And so we needed to get him out there to be able to talk with other people and to understand how to approach them. The other thing, and this gets into executive presence, it's together. He was a big... He was maybe 6'3", 6'4", and quite an attractive man, and he dressed very nicely.

The new president of the organization that bought them out said to me, "Oh, I gotta say, he can be really creepy." I said, "Creepy? You wanna elaborate on that?" She said when he sits and he talks with you, he hunches himself over, and he leans in like this." I said, "Really? Okay. We'll work on that."

So now I have pieces of information to deal with. The one, how to connect, how to meet, how to present yourself, and so forth. So one of the things I said to him was, "One of the pieces of feedback I got," I didn't say, "That you act really creepy." I said, "That your physical posture is stooped over, and that sends a message of you're trying to make yourself smaller.

The objective is never to make yourself smaller. Why do you think you do that?" And he says as a big man, I have been with other men that are smaller, and I feel like, I can be intimidating to them, so I try to come down to their level." Well-meaning, all right? Not understanding the results of it.

So I said, "Number one, we never try to make ourself smaller than we really are. But what do you think they're really intimidated by? You think it's your height? You

think it's your height?" And he said, "No. It's my education, and my knowledge, and my technical stuff" that I said, "Yes, that's what we need to work on, how to translate that techno-ease into regular language without diminishing the person that we're talking to." Okay? So we worked on that. So that was part of it, but then he had to go out and meet people from other divisions, and that is where the challenge was.

They need to know you're the go-to person, that you can be a resource for them to expand their operations. You have to approach them in a way that doesn't intimidate them, but is welcoming. So we worked on how to do that, how to approach them, and part of it is be more in... You don't go in there you are the big fish in a small pond right now.

That's not the case right now, that's what you have been. Right now, it's the opposite, so you have to draw them near you to come to you. How do you do that? Not by spouting off everything that's great about you, but learning about them, being more interested in them than sharing everything that you know and just throwing it up out on the table right now.

So you have to take your time to build those relationships, and this is a guy that didn't follow up. He would let things lapse, so it was a real rigor that I had to go through with him, but ultimately we were successful. Yeah, you had to teach him active listening, because listening is so important.

Because you don't know what questions to ask unless you're truly listening to them. So that's really where it comes in. So let me ask you a question. When they're entering a room, they're full of accomplished professionals, what separates those who create meaningful connections from those that are unnoticed?

Okay. One would think it's their appearance. They look like they just walked in, in an Armani suit. Not necessary. It is how you carry yourself, number one. Absolutely. You stand tall, you stand with posture correct, and you smile, and you connect, and you look people eyeball to eyeball, not over their heads.

How many networking meetings have you gone to where you start to talk to somebody, you say hello, you shake your hand, they're s- they're shaking your hand while they're looking over your shoulder? Absolutely. It's... Absolutely. I wanna say, "Hey, eyes here." But... True. I- That's one of the first, that's one of the first things I teach, is when you first meet somebody, about eye contact, about shaking their hand.

They're shaking the person's hand becomes so important. You don't shake it like a dead fish. It's a firm handshake, and that sets the tone from that point on. So it's really important. You're right. Let me ask you a question now, if I may. Sure. All right? So here's the new rules. Fist bump, because nobody wants to touch anybody's hand because of this whole COVID thing now.

That- So I have a question. How are you telling people now? So when you fist bump, do you fist bump and grab their wrist? What do you tell them? I found that the fist bumps really have gone away because COVID was six years ago, right? Yeah. So less and less people are doing the fist bump.

If somebody wants to fist bump, I would fist bump them back and make light of this, make light of it. It's "Oh, fist bump. Okay, we're, we can be 15 again." I, I enjoy doing that. And they're usually like, "Oh no." And usually they'll put their hand out and shake your hand like a professional.

So- Oh, interesting ... you own it. Interesting. You own the situation, and you make a joke about it. Okay. That sets everybody at ease. It's not one pow- one powerhouse over another. Everybody's at ease, and you just move on. Okay. Okay. See that? All right. Done. Okay. Can professionals remain authentic while intentionally strengthening their executive presence or personal brand?

I don't think they are mutually exclusive. I think they are interconnected all right? Yeah, absolutely. In other words, you can't have executive presence if you're not authentic, 'cause people see through that faster than- In a second. Yeah. That's it. So part of being, developing executive presence is building trust, and this is one of the things when I deliver presentations on executive presence is

I say you are always in the spotlight, whether you're a frontline supervisor, a manager, a senior manager, or the president of the company. Whenever you have people reporting to you, they are watching you. And there was some research that said in a troop of baboons The lesser baboons are checking out the alpha male every 20 seconds, or something to that effect.

What's he doing? What's going on? Who's he looking at? Who's he favoring? So while we, as humans, may not be doing it every 20 seconds, if a leader comes into an organization and is very calm, cool, and collected one minute, loses his top the next minute, and he's incon- he or she is inconsistent in behavior, that makes people uneasy.

That makes people less likely to trust you. So you have to be very cognizant of being consistent in your behavior as a leader. That builds authenticity. When people know that, they're more likely for your words to have impact. You also make sure that when you're saying those words, your face is saying the same thing as your words is saying.

Now, if you are authentic, it's not an issue. But that's really the bottom line, consistency and trust. Those are the bedrocks. You don't have that, the entire thing falls over. There's an old... There's a saying, a mantra, in networking, "If they know you, if they like you, if they trust you, they will do business with you."

Now, everybody knows you because you've been around, but when you get to the point of everybody likes you no, that narrows the scope down just a little bit because no matter what you do, everybody isn't gonna like you. But when you're speaking with somebody, there's an automatic wall that's between the two of you.

So getting to that trust factor, as I I created something called FORM, F-O-R-M, family, occupation, recreation, and a message, and get that person to start talking, right? It's 80/20 rule. Have them talk 80% of the time. You talk 20% of the time. That 20% of the time should be part of asking questions, but whatever.

So have them talk about their family, h- whether they boat or ski or whatever because what you're doing is you're having that wall come down, and that trust level is increasing. And once it makes that switch, then all of a sudden they begin to trust you, and now you can start dealing with business because you can't deal with business until somebody trusts you.

Trust is such a major issue. You are spot on with that. You're spot on with that, Michael, and I agree with you 100%, and that is why in my book I say do... Because you may be meeting people that you've never met before, so you have to do your detective work ahead of time to find out Maybe about their family, their interests, your form, questions, okay?

And then you use that as a basis for starting to build that trust. And from a neuroscience perspective, when you're talking about something that they're interested and near and dear to them in their heart, and they know that you're truly interested, that wall comes down because it creates that bonding hormone that I referred to earlier, oxytocin.

When they do that, you also have to be very careful about how you word your questions. And the way, you don't say tell me about yourself." That sounds like a command, and you want them under the light, and you're interrogating them. If you say, "Could you share with me?" or, "Could you possibly tell me about?"

or just, "Could you tell me?" There is a slight nuance there, and it becomes permission-based versus being demand-based. So wording and how you phrase things, like that client said let me see if I can explain it in a way that you can understand." How you say things is just as important as what you say.

Absolutely. Ab- absolutely. You're absolutely right. Okay so let's bring this podcast full circle. If a listener wanted to dramatically improve both their network and executive presence over the next 90 days, what one habit would you tell them to begin immediately? That's a good question. First of all, you need to...

We th- They're, not that they're separated, but they each take... You have to come up with a roadmap. You need to develop a brand. What brand? That's the same thing as what is your objective, okay? So what is your brand? That gives you the roadmap. So you stop and you think, all right, who are the people that you know have great executive presence that you want to emulate?

Then you sit down and you write down what are the qualities that, that, that person has. Are they confident? Are they honest? Can you trust them? Write down all of the attributes that person has that you admire. It's very interesting. I'm gonna back off of this for a minute. When... Oh, gosh, I can't think of what the justice's name.

There was a justice who was asked How would he know if something was pornographic? And his answer was, "You know it when you see it." The same thing is true about executive presence. You know it when you see it. So you think about those per- that person, it could be someone in your family, could be another executive, could be your pastor, could be whoever.

What are those characteristics that they are displaying? Then come up with your list. Once you come up with your list, then you say, "Okay, if I were Steven Spielberg, and I were trying to direct somebody to show confidence, how would I direct them?" 'Cause, you say act more confidently." How do you act more confidently?

What does that look like? If I'm filming you, what does that look like? I stand tall, I walk in the room, I look around, I see, I greet people eye to eye, I smile. All of the behaviors that are associated with that attribute, write those down. You get that down, and then you decide which of those attributes you wanna start on first.

You can't do them all at once. One thing at a time. Master that, then move on to the next. That's great. Elizabeth I can probably talk to you for two more hours- ... because you and I can exchange different ideas on how we go about doing all this. But for my listeners, how would somebody get hold of you if they wanted to get your book or be have you as a consultant, or just say hi?

How would they get hold of you? I'm not really doing much consulting these days. I wanna try... i'm 78 years old, okay? My time to have fun. So I am happy to help, and the best way I could do it is through my book, Str- Strategic Networking: A Practical Playbook, that is available on Amazon. It's 30 pages.

You'll read it in 15 minutes, and it'll be the most useful information for you. It's very inexpensive. It's $8. It's not... My goal is not to get rich off of making a book. I don't... That's not my purpose. My purpose is to get it in the hands of as many people as I can, to help as many people as I can, without necessarily involving my time and high consulting fees.

All right? So this does the job. So the easiest way is to just go to Amazon. And type in my name, Elizabeth, with a Z, Fried, spelled like fried, F-R-I-E-D, and that book will pop up. All the books that I've written- Yeah ... will pop up. And then just follow the directions. It's a roadmap for you. That's all I can say.

Okay. This conversation is a reminder that success isn't just about what you know, it's all about how you show up. The strongest networks are built intentionally. The strongest leaders communicate with clarity, confidence, and purpose. And the professionals who create the biggest opportunities are often the ones who understand how to build trust before they even ask for anything.

Take one step this week. Pay attention to how you're showing up in conversations. Are you simply participating, or are you creating a memorable presence that offers, that others want to engage with? If you found value in today's episode, make sure you like, follow, and subscribe to Networking Unleashed: Building Profitable Connections so you continue getting the best insights on networking and communication.

And if this conversation helped you think differently about professional presence, share it with a colleague, leader, or friend. If you'd help strengthening your communication, expanding your influence, and building relationships that will create real business opportunities, visit MichaelAForman.com.

So until next time, be intentional, be memorable, and build connections that position you for the opportunities you deserve. Elizabeth, I can't thank you enough. This was spectacular. Thank you. I had fun. That's the thing that's important, too. Always have fun. That's the most important thing. I'll see you soon.

Thank you.

 That's a wrap, folks. A huge thank you to our guests for sharing such incredible insights today. And of course, a big shout-out to you, our amazing listeners, for tuning in and spending your time with us. If you're interested in my digital courses, being coached, or having me come and talk to your company, just go to MichaelAForman.com and fill out the request form.

Remember, networking isn't about being perfect. It's about being present. So take what you've learned today, get out there, and make some meaningful connections. If you've enjoyed this episode, please don't forget to subscribe. Leave us a review, and share it with someone who could use a little networking inspiration.

Let's keep the conversation going. You can find me on Apple, Spotify, Pandora, YouTube, or my website, michaelaforman.com/podcast

Michael is a business networking expert specializing in enhancing professionals' networking and communication skills to drive profitability. As a leading authority in this field, he is highly sought after for his dynamic presentations and workshops. His extensive experience has consistently led to significant improvements in corporate profitability by empowering individuals and organizations to connect more effectively and efficiently.

https://www.michaelaforman.com/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/michaelforman/

https://www.instagram.com/flyboy_197/

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCI6GkxoRFCk969A_rCfpHWQ

Digital Courses

https://michael-s-site-fc88.thinkific.com/